Christmas with the Crawfords takes place on Christmas Eve, 1944. Joan has recently been fired from MGM, and is looking forward to the live radio broadcast from her Brentwood mansion, to be hosted by her friend Hedda Hopper, as a way of keeping herself in public eye as she vies for a role in a film noir piece entitled "Mildred Pierce" offered to her, somewhat reluctantly, by Warner Bros. Suffice it to say the broadcast does not go well. Joan is plagued by problems, including the never-ending arrival of uninvited celebrity guests who take over the spotlight to sing their favorite holiday song.

The broadcast itself ends in disaster, and a surprise present from the children puts Mommie Dearest over the edge. The final mother/daughter confrontation will likely make many of those watching reconsider their familial relationships and long for the bosom of their own family and home.

The legend of Joan Crawford. It has inspired countless books, articles, television documentaries, and—a musical comedy? Yes, a musical comedy.

"Christmas with the Crawfords," is sort of a "Mommie Dearest the Musical" with a holiday theme, and has been packing houses for the last ten years (first in San Francisco, then in New York, and now in Omaha). It's a legend that would have horrified Miss Crawford. After all, she made 70 movies. She was glamour personified. She won an Oscar. So why is she remembered today as the bitch who beat up her adopted children, drank too much, and was forced to marry a Pepsi executive to save her from a failed movie career. Chock that up to her daughter Christina, whose infamous book "Mommie Dearest," and the eponymous movie starring Faye Dunaway, changed the course of the public's perception of Joan forever, fairly or not.

Creator Richard Winchester and writer Mark Sargent have fashioned both a parody of and a tribute to the Golden Age of Hollywood, when movies stars were the most important people on earth, and virtually the whole country flocked to their local movie palaces to see the next offering from MGM, Warner Bros., and Paramount. So there's a little Hollywood History 101 in the show which many find interesting. "Christmas with the Crawfords" features a top notch cast, and as in any musical, there's a lot of singing and dancing which anyone can enjoy, even those unfamiliar with the people and era covered.

The fact that it is mostly men impersonating Hollywood's leading ladies adds a certain "extra dimension" to the roles. And there are all the bitchy lines one would expect in a show like this. Don't we all love a good comeback or two? Perhaps the show's appeal is that it is just a lot of fun. "Christmas with the Crawfords" is a refreshing antidote for the anxiety-prone times that the holidays are for so many.

Where else these days can you see the likes of the Andrews Sisters, Judy Garland, Gloria Swanson, Hattie McDaniel, Carmen Miranda and Ethel Merman all in one room, singing their hearts out as if there wasn't a care in the world? Whatever the appeal of "Christmas with the Crawfords" is, it seems to be broad. Young, old, gay, straight, suburban and city dweller alike show up for a Christmas Eve with Joan and the children that they will never forget. Wire hangers? Forget about them. It's Christmas after all. And the legend continues!

Cast members jokingly call it "the show in a box."

Simple set, lots of returning actors, two weeks of rehearsals. Even a built-in audience.

Friday, "Christmas With the Crawfords" opens its fourth run since 2003 at the SNAP/Shelterbelt Theatre. Since the cast took last year off, pent-up demand for the Theatre Arts Guild best-comedy winner already has sold out several shows in the tiny 55-seat space.

The campy spoof, packed with cross-dressers playing famous movie stars from the 1940s, finds Joan Crawford preparing for a radio interview with Hedda Hopper at Joan's Hollywood home. Trouble is, Gary Cooper is having a party next door, and drunken celebs keep stumbling in, spoiling Joan's carefully planned portrait of domestic bliss.

Ron Osborn, who plays Crawford, admits it's not bliss to stomp around in 4-inch spiked heels when you're 6-foot-2. "The shoes are torture, and the wig is heavy, too."

He found the size-13 pumps at Frederick's of Hollywood. He accepted the role thinking "it would be fun, everyone would laugh and we'd all go home. End of story." He's back, he said, because "four years into it, the script still makes me giggle."

No auditions were held that first year. Director Michal Simpson tapped actors who fit specific profiles. He took the leftover role of Carmen Miranda for himself and has been playing it ever since.

Simpson studied Miranda's moves and her thick accent in old musicals such as "Flying Down to Rio," then pushed her already oversized personality further over the top.

Osborn viewed "Mommie Dearest" and "Mildred Pierce," then added inspiration from movie spoofs on "The Carol Burnett Show," aping Burnett's exaggerated walk: "Lots of shoulder, strutting across the stage and overly dramatic."

Daena Schweiger got the speech patterns of Bette Davis from watching "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane," picking out lines that reappear in the "Crawfords" script.

All have played those roles each time the show was staged, along with Michael Taylor Stewart as Hopper, musical director Todd Brooks as Liberace, Teri Fender as Judy Garland and Mark Cramer as one of the Andrews Sisters.

Also back this year: Wai Yim, who won a TAG award for his cameo as Gloria Swanson, and Robert Williams as Hattie McDaniel ("Gone With the Wind"), though both have stand-ins at some performances because they no longer live in Omaha.

Jeff Nelson, who has long played Ethel Merman, shifted to Shirley Temple this year. Denny Maddux will play Merman.

With all the returning cast members, Brooks said, rehearsals are like the reunion "of a very neurotic family."

Simpson said audiences keep coming back because of the show's many dark twists on familiar movie lines and personalities.

"We chose it because we wanted something light for a holiday fundraiser," he said. "We just wanted a piece of fluff to make people forget their problems."

Judging by ticket sales, the fluff still works four years later.

Warren T. Francke
THE READER
December 23 - 2005
It’s tempting to come up with the top ten reasons to stay away from Christmas with the Crawfords, starting with No. 10: you might find Joan Crawford’s menacing version of “Silent Night” or Carmen Miranda’s mangled “Away in a Manger” just a tad sacrilegious. But only reason No. 1 counts.

It’s the fact that all 12 performances through New Year’s Eve were sold out before the outrageous musical opened last weekend. So, in the rather perverse spirit of this spoof, let’s skip the reasons to stay away and talk about what the ticketless are missing.

There’s Ron Osborn, of course, back again as Mommy Dearest, whose portrait hangs over the fireplace and scares her guests. But his mountainous pompadour, coat-hanger shoulders, high heels and Crawford kimono have been at the heart of this successful production for three years.

He still seethes at the children on stage and sews their little matching outfits off stage. So don’t get nervous when he grabs the axe: only Christopher, Christina and the Christmas tree are in any danger.

And the full house would rise in righteous indignation if Wai Yim didn’t return as Gloria Swanson, the only character who can compete with Crawford in striking poses, or if Michal Simpson didn’t reprise his “tootsy-fruitsy” Carmen, the colorful Latin bombshell.

Once more the Andrews Sisters, played by three sturdy lads, “don we now our gay apparel” and “fa la la” all over the place.

So now you’re guessing it’s the same old stuff: Hedda Hopper doing her Christmas Eve 1944 radio broadcast from Crawford’s Brentwood mansion while celebrities stop by, mistaking it for Gary Cooper’s party across the street.

Well, you’d be right and you’d be wrong. It’s the same script and mostly the same talent from the first outing two years ago, which won favorable reviews.

But some of the changes from the original border on genius. Teri Fender was originally an acceptable Judy Garland in a Victorian dress circa “Meet Me in St. Louis.” Now she’s a knockout, discarding an overdress to appear in that classic Garland garb of cocked black fedora, black tux top and fishnet stockings.

Tell me I’m ga-ga over Teri F. as Judy G., but even the makeup seems perfect, not to mention her vocals on “Winter Wonderland” and a drunken “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”

You want show-stoppers? Wait ’til Hattie McDaniel, straight from the set of Gone with the Wind, leads the ensemble in “O Holy Night” and “Children Go Where I Send Thee.” Robert Williams was a top Hattie on preview night, but Derrick Crawford will do nicely in the double-cast role.

Same goes for Bette Davis doing her nasty little Baby Jane bit. Daena Schweiger gives a whole new threat to “Better watch out” when she sings “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” with a snarl while batting big, spidery eyelashes. I’ve seen Liz Heim, who shares the role, and she’s a king-size menace, too.

Michael Taylor-Stewart seemed better than ever as Hedda Hopper, simpering under her room-filling hat but ready to flash her claws when Crawford calls her “Louella.” (If that Lolly Parsons reference eludes you, you won’t understand why seniors join the rather diverse group that loves this show.)

If you’ve seen it all before and aren’t yet kicking yourself for not making reservations, here’s the worst news: Roderick Cotton as the precocious and campy Christina and Dan Chevalier as the terrified Christopher Crawford, two newcomers to the cast, almost stole the show from an ensemble full of veteran scene thieves.

SNAP! Productions and Shelterbelt combined to produce this show, with Michal Simpson and Todd Brooks (he’s also Liberace at the keyboard) directing. They claim it’s the final year for this offering, but time will tell if they can resist another dozen full houses.